Sunlit Uplands Beckon
Feb. 24th, 2019 06:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
whotheheckamiThe sun is shining brightly on me and I'm in a very positive frame of mind. I've been working up to doing one of these for quite some time. Over the past few weeks I've passed what I consider to be a number of large and small positive milestones, but didn't feel they merited a post of their own. However, I did something an hour or so ago that I felt needed recording.
So in no order of significance, these are some of the things I've achieved:
Reduced my anxiety medication by 50% over the past 2 months with no noticeable negative effects. Reviewed this with my GP and will further reduce and stop when I feel comfortable doing it.
Signed myself off from the NHS Mental Health team because by the time I'd got an appointment I'd gone past the acute need by seeing my private therapist.
Discussed my progress with my therapist and have gone from weekly, to fortnightly, to monthly meetings. Next meeting is set for 2 months time and will probably be my last unless I feel I need a "top up" at any time. The next visit will concentrate on preventing a slip back to poor mental health and what to do if it does occur.
Managed to deal with a number of incidents that would have previously prompted an anxiety "meltdown!" It's actually been over 120 days since a "meltdown."
Learned that being able to help people is a key motivator for me.
Found things to do such as working for Clarity Training and volunteering, that play to my strengths without damaging me. I want to do more, but I know that I must build up to it gradually.
Experienced a gradual rebirth of my creativity and spirituality.
Realised that love takes many forms beyond a physical connection and have found love with some amazing people.
Really experienced the benefits of meditation through Headspace and exercise through swimming and Pilates. These are now part of my new life.
Felt really good about myself, felt that I can make a difference, felt that I'm worth knowing and loving. I've even realised that I like and love myself again.
Understood how, when and to some extent why my mental health collapse occurred, and that brings me to the thing I did earlier today. I was in Northampton and popped into Phipps' Brewery for a half pint of IPA and a bite of lunch. That was where all this mess started and the last time I tried to go in there I had to run away in a state of complete meltdown. Today, it was fine; old colleagues were pleased to see me; the beer was good and the food OK. Not sure if I need to go back again, but that particular Sword of Damocles is no longer hanging above me.
Throughout all the changes I've made to my mental health I've had amazing support from my friends. You've stood by me, helped me, loved me and really got me through this. Thank you all so much. I'm still here and stronger than I was because of you and I'm absolutely still here for those of you who need me. You only have to ask.
There's one person who I have to thank separately, the person who saw me at my lowest and has stood by me through all the scariest bits. The person who a few weeks ago felt so comfortable with me that she teased me for the first time in months. The person that I love more with every breath I take. The person who I do not need to name.
This is by no means the end of my journey, but I feel this is as good a time as ever to mark how far I've come in less than 7 months.
So in no order of significance, these are some of the things I've achieved:
Reduced my anxiety medication by 50% over the past 2 months with no noticeable negative effects. Reviewed this with my GP and will further reduce and stop when I feel comfortable doing it.
Signed myself off from the NHS Mental Health team because by the time I'd got an appointment I'd gone past the acute need by seeing my private therapist.
Discussed my progress with my therapist and have gone from weekly, to fortnightly, to monthly meetings. Next meeting is set for 2 months time and will probably be my last unless I feel I need a "top up" at any time. The next visit will concentrate on preventing a slip back to poor mental health and what to do if it does occur.
Managed to deal with a number of incidents that would have previously prompted an anxiety "meltdown!" It's actually been over 120 days since a "meltdown."
Learned that being able to help people is a key motivator for me.
Found things to do such as working for Clarity Training and volunteering, that play to my strengths without damaging me. I want to do more, but I know that I must build up to it gradually.
Experienced a gradual rebirth of my creativity and spirituality.
Realised that love takes many forms beyond a physical connection and have found love with some amazing people.
Really experienced the benefits of meditation through Headspace and exercise through swimming and Pilates. These are now part of my new life.
Felt really good about myself, felt that I can make a difference, felt that I'm worth knowing and loving. I've even realised that I like and love myself again.
Understood how, when and to some extent why my mental health collapse occurred, and that brings me to the thing I did earlier today. I was in Northampton and popped into Phipps' Brewery for a half pint of IPA and a bite of lunch. That was where all this mess started and the last time I tried to go in there I had to run away in a state of complete meltdown. Today, it was fine; old colleagues were pleased to see me; the beer was good and the food OK. Not sure if I need to go back again, but that particular Sword of Damocles is no longer hanging above me.
Throughout all the changes I've made to my mental health I've had amazing support from my friends. You've stood by me, helped me, loved me and really got me through this. Thank you all so much. I'm still here and stronger than I was because of you and I'm absolutely still here for those of you who need me. You only have to ask.
There's one person who I have to thank separately, the person who saw me at my lowest and has stood by me through all the scariest bits. The person who a few weeks ago felt so comfortable with me that she teased me for the first time in months. The person that I love more with every breath I take. The person who I do not need to name.
This is by no means the end of my journey, but I feel this is as good a time as ever to mark how far I've come in less than 7 months.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-24 08:26 pm (UTC)And just a little bit envious.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-25 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-02-26 05:16 pm (UTC)Right now my reaction to this is the rather unhealthy approach of squashing everything down inside and avoiding anything which might wake up my evil co-pilot (easier said than done)!
no subject
Date: 2019-02-25 01:02 pm (UTC)